September 18th, 2K17 made six months of recovery. What a fucking shit-storm with joy, hope, and peace at the end!
No, nothing has been easy, but I will say being clean, and clear minded is a gift that I can not do justice too.
Being free from pharmaceuticals and the ensuing mind-fucking that taking them created is liberating like seeing your face for the first time after being blind. I say blind, because I became blind and numb to my environment, people, and most of all my feelings, while taking pharmaceuticals.
I have blindly been searching for a miracle from prescription drugs. The physical and emotional withdrawals I experienced in my first two months of recovery was inhumane. I flailed every afternoon from 1-6pm with no relief besides the aide of an ill-equipped visiting nurse who was so ineffectual it was truly pathetic; just like I was at the time.
Today is different. I live with a canopy of fucking awesomeness. I no longer ache for that which is toxic to my body and mind. Sure, I long for the pills I no longer ingest-I ache for the golden elixir of Adderall and coffee I used to take at 1 am in the morning.
It might happen that I end up back on Adderall a bit further in my recovery. With my untreated mania, I am not doing so well in that department.
My anorexia is rearing its ugly head, after putting on twenty pounds in recovery from laying around and being very inactive. On top of that, I had my foot reconstructed on July 20th, where it was broken and pinned with one and fifty stitches. I took Percocet for 5 days without any problems and did not take the Oxycotin which was concurrently prescribed for me. Yeah, again a bit of a badass but I didn't want to take the pills any longer than necessary.
My foot is now healed, and my restricting with my eating is high again. I am trying very hard not to partake in such behavior, however, I am not comfortable with the weight gain. My face looks healthy, but the rest of me......ugh! Something needs to change!
I want people to know getting clean is possible! It hurts-a lot for sure but the rewards are endless.
I still attend recovery meetings, on an early morning basis-but you surely can do it without them. I get that drugs are fun, and the mind-altering is without a doubt crazy fun.
I am just here to share my story, and right now this is where I choose to be.
Corey
BORN THIS WAY-2K17
