It used to be back when I was still taking prescription drugs that my Golden Hour was approximately 1:00 am in the early morning when I would walk with my dog to the 24 hour store, buy my French vanilla latte and come home and take an Adderall to create my 5-6 hour golden elixir.
Those days have been over for almost three months and now the highlight of my day is taking extra strong diet pills at around 6 in the morning to get the buzz from the energy emitted from these tiny bad boys.
I knew when I was taking my golden elixir just how good I really had it-not a blog went by that I didn't mention it, and I don't think my readers minded hearing about my tincture daily. I believe many of the other maniacs keeping such hours like myself reveled in the Adderall and Xanax combination I had going for over twelve years.
Now, I sleep closer to 4:00 am and I wait until close to 6:00am to take the diet pills to power me through my early morning of heading to my support club to make the coffee and set up for the support group meeting I attend every Monday through Friday from 7:30am to 8:30am,
The diet pills mixed with coffee are a decent buzz but nothing compares to the pink Adderall tablets I took religiously. I can't find diet pills any stronger than the ones I am taking now and they barely make my heart skip a beat.
Medical detox has been a killer as I went through a hospital stay starting on March 6th, 2K17 and got discharged on March 18rh, 2K17. I came out of the hospital for nothing for the withdrawals I was experiencing at the time or the ones that got ten times worse as the phenobarbital wore off in my system,
It wasn't until about a month ago, when I thought I had become a lost cause, with the inability to write, talk in complete sentences, and drink without drooling that I met a new head doctor who after taking one look at me told me I was in a state of severe withdrawals and needed to go onto a high valium taper to detox humanely. Her name is Lisa, and this woman saved my life and gave me my old self back to a great degree.
Thus far, I haven't really started a taper off the high dosage of valium she initially put me on because I am still going through mighty severe withdrawals. I am on a very high dose of valium: 25 mgs three times a day: that is right a total of 75 mg of valium of a day. It is what is needed to combat the 10 mg of Xanax a day I took for twelve years.
I recently asked her about going back on Adderall and boy is she good; she said and give you a speedball combination? I never knew what a speedball was because I never have done illicit drugs but essentially the high I loved from the Adderall that I loved to chase with a two mg bar of Xanax was essentially a speedball. It was such an amazing combination.
I think often about doctor shopping because I know I could get back on the Adderall and Xanax no problem, but I have come this far through holy hell with the medical detox to go back onto the very shit that caused this speedsplatt situation.
I am trying a new diet pill today and just took my first two pills at 3:00 pm. I am hoping for a kick in of zip that I can do a dance with, with my valium script. It wont be like the Adderall/Xanax but maybe close enough to make me get up again at 1:00am.
I will blog tomorrow with an update but right now this prescription addict has got to get moving or I am going to fall asleep and it isn't even 6pm.
Corey
BORN THIS WAY-2K17
Wednesday, June 7, 2017
Friday, June 2, 2017
Mitigating Factors
The mitigating factors of my recovery from medical prescription detox are time and the Valium regime I was put on by my new psychiatrist over three weeks ago. Both of these factors have changed my life.
Time, has a way of passing the discomfort and re-positioning it into a parcel that is easier to swallow and grapple with. The first month out of the hospital before I was treated properly for my ongoing withdrawals I was writhing in bed in utter discomfort and agony. I had visiting nurses coming to my house and they and Stephanie had all they could do to keep me from seriously causing physical harm to myself to alleviate the pain and suffering my mind and body was enduring.
To mollify me, my new primary care doctor set me up with a new psychiatrist who scuttled the existing paradigm of my care in favor of a more humane approach to my detox which included her minion: Valium. It was a slower acting medication than Xanax with a much longer half-life and could be tapered off much more easily over the long run. I was put on a very high dose to offset the high dosage of Xanax I had taken daily for twelve years. My initial dosage of Valium was 25mg three times a day. Yes, a lot of Valium, but considering the higher dosage of Xanax I took daily for twelve years this was deemed sufficient.
Stephanie and I had just been trying to survive the harrowing effects of my detox in the first month and weeks of my releases from the hospital. Any semblance of normalcy was forgone with the withdrawals and aftermath of the prescription detox. We were unable to eat or sleep on any sort of normal time table. I was awake most of the time, crying and screaming in pain so bad I swore my body was breaking.
It was in fact breaking from the full-body withdrawals, and I have the long-term neurological affects to prove it. Lazy eyes, uneven check muscles, a crooked smile, and a mouth that droops are all part and parcel of the aftermath of medical detox done in 16 days from Xanax and Adderall.
I just stopped mourning my physical ailments as I now try to take a selfie picture everyday just for myself to get used to the probably permanent changes in my features. I was such a person who put so much stock into their looks and especially their face; my face fails me now or I fail my face. I try to use these pictures to break the shock and awe value of changes associated with my detox on a daily basis. Yesterday, I took a picture and realized I could edit it to make my eyes bigger and not so lazy, and blur out the lines under my eyes, so the picture not looking like the old me but better than the "real" me was posted on Instagram and Facebook. I took pleasure in hash tagging captions #remnantsofmedicaldetox and #confidentcorey. All of which was true in the moment but sad when I went back and looked at the pictures just two years ago of me.
To parry my Valium dosage my psychiatrist has already decreased the initial dosage by five milligrams. Not a lot but enough to let me know this too shall change. I so wish I had fought my healthcare provider at the time of my medical detox and not let her get away with this barbaric act of unethical medicinal behavior.
I have been a chattel to prescription drugs for well over twelve years and don't expect much to change in the long run. Stephanie and I are committed to getting me the adequate treatment to get me back on the efficacious drug regime that worked before the punitive opiate self-detox demise. U-Me is celebrating a year from going from platonic to romantic this month and we hope to do it in high style if my health holds its own. Right now all is well, and school looks like it is back into the picture for a new start date of this fall.
Everything happens for a reason, and U-Me has been made so much more fortified by this entire detox ordeal. If we can survive this and come out the other side better and stronger than truly the sky is the limits. I see my new psychiatrist on Saturday so here is to hoping she adds Adderall back into the script, I mean the mix:)
Corey
BORN THIS WAY-2K17
Time, has a way of passing the discomfort and re-positioning it into a parcel that is easier to swallow and grapple with. The first month out of the hospital before I was treated properly for my ongoing withdrawals I was writhing in bed in utter discomfort and agony. I had visiting nurses coming to my house and they and Stephanie had all they could do to keep me from seriously causing physical harm to myself to alleviate the pain and suffering my mind and body was enduring.
To mollify me, my new primary care doctor set me up with a new psychiatrist who scuttled the existing paradigm of my care in favor of a more humane approach to my detox which included her minion: Valium. It was a slower acting medication than Xanax with a much longer half-life and could be tapered off much more easily over the long run. I was put on a very high dose to offset the high dosage of Xanax I had taken daily for twelve years. My initial dosage of Valium was 25mg three times a day. Yes, a lot of Valium, but considering the higher dosage of Xanax I took daily for twelve years this was deemed sufficient.
Stephanie and I had just been trying to survive the harrowing effects of my detox in the first month and weeks of my releases from the hospital. Any semblance of normalcy was forgone with the withdrawals and aftermath of the prescription detox. We were unable to eat or sleep on any sort of normal time table. I was awake most of the time, crying and screaming in pain so bad I swore my body was breaking.
It was in fact breaking from the full-body withdrawals, and I have the long-term neurological affects to prove it. Lazy eyes, uneven check muscles, a crooked smile, and a mouth that droops are all part and parcel of the aftermath of medical detox done in 16 days from Xanax and Adderall.
I just stopped mourning my physical ailments as I now try to take a selfie picture everyday just for myself to get used to the probably permanent changes in my features. I was such a person who put so much stock into their looks and especially their face; my face fails me now or I fail my face. I try to use these pictures to break the shock and awe value of changes associated with my detox on a daily basis. Yesterday, I took a picture and realized I could edit it to make my eyes bigger and not so lazy, and blur out the lines under my eyes, so the picture not looking like the old me but better than the "real" me was posted on Instagram and Facebook. I took pleasure in hash tagging captions #remnantsofmedicaldetox and #confidentcorey. All of which was true in the moment but sad when I went back and looked at the pictures just two years ago of me.
To parry my Valium dosage my psychiatrist has already decreased the initial dosage by five milligrams. Not a lot but enough to let me know this too shall change. I so wish I had fought my healthcare provider at the time of my medical detox and not let her get away with this barbaric act of unethical medicinal behavior.
I have been a chattel to prescription drugs for well over twelve years and don't expect much to change in the long run. Stephanie and I are committed to getting me the adequate treatment to get me back on the efficacious drug regime that worked before the punitive opiate self-detox demise. U-Me is celebrating a year from going from platonic to romantic this month and we hope to do it in high style if my health holds its own. Right now all is well, and school looks like it is back into the picture for a new start date of this fall.
Everything happens for a reason, and U-Me has been made so much more fortified by this entire detox ordeal. If we can survive this and come out the other side better and stronger than truly the sky is the limits. I see my new psychiatrist on Saturday so here is to hoping she adds Adderall back into the script, I mean the mix:)
Corey
BORN THIS WAY-2K17
Thursday, June 1, 2017
Slog Fest
The demeanor of my doctor was lugubrious without any good cause. My appointment was to review my withdrawals and I expected her to be lithe and lissome. She was caustic and unemotive in her examination of me and review of my symptoms which had plagued me since my last visit.
I expected her to be percipient and offer solutions to the malaise I had been dealing with for weeks.
Much to my need for her to profligate me and score humanity points she let me down without any warning. She was anything but perspicacious to the myriad of acute neurological symptoms I was experiencing since my medical detox from prescription drugs in March 2K17.
I had been through hell and back and emasculated myself with guilt and shame at the expense of my usual rather high self-esteem. The debilitating nature of the neurological symptoms of my detox includes lazy eyes, a mouth that doesn't close right, a newly formed crooked smile, and a cheek bone muscle that doesn't fire up like the opposing side.
Those are the neurological effects, the extrapyramidal effects include withdrawals that have been left untreated until three weeks ago, when a valium regime was instituted to deal with the withdrawals which were left unmanaged by the scabrous nature of my body's natural revolt to the lack of Xanax not infiltrating my body anymore.
All this leaves me realizing my healthcare professionals made a huge mistake detoxing me off Adderall and Xanax just because I had a wont to continue using these drugs after my self-induced withdrawal from opiates in January of 2K17.
This has left me with a brusque detox that compromised my well-being and my medical saftety as I suffered stroke level high blood pressure as a result of this whipsaw detox to save professional face for concurrently prescribing Xanax and opiates which was black boxed by the FDA in February 2K16. This was NOT my problem and I can assure you my legal team is hard at work proving the medical detox I weltered was by far the worst medical decision made by a medical professional not educated or qualified to make such a decision to exculpate herself from the near fatal mistake her dissolute decision had cost me in the multitude of maladies I have suffered as a result.
Her decision was just a moment in time but the ramifications of her decisions on my being are here to last a life time if I don't receive the capstone medicinal treatment I have required for the past twelve years and a paragon of 6 board certified psychiatrists. She was just a lowly psych-med nurse which brings opprobrium to all her professional peers.
My story is surely not over, in fact it is just getting started as I slowly begin to receive the remedial treatment I now require to compensate for the negligence of one scurrilous psych-med nurse. My well-being will not be determined by her or anyone else unqualified to handle my complex psychiatric case.
Corey
BORN THIS WAY-2K17
I expected her to be percipient and offer solutions to the malaise I had been dealing with for weeks.
Much to my need for her to profligate me and score humanity points she let me down without any warning. She was anything but perspicacious to the myriad of acute neurological symptoms I was experiencing since my medical detox from prescription drugs in March 2K17.
I had been through hell and back and emasculated myself with guilt and shame at the expense of my usual rather high self-esteem. The debilitating nature of the neurological symptoms of my detox includes lazy eyes, a mouth that doesn't close right, a newly formed crooked smile, and a cheek bone muscle that doesn't fire up like the opposing side.
Those are the neurological effects, the extrapyramidal effects include withdrawals that have been left untreated until three weeks ago, when a valium regime was instituted to deal with the withdrawals which were left unmanaged by the scabrous nature of my body's natural revolt to the lack of Xanax not infiltrating my body anymore.
All this leaves me realizing my healthcare professionals made a huge mistake detoxing me off Adderall and Xanax just because I had a wont to continue using these drugs after my self-induced withdrawal from opiates in January of 2K17.
This has left me with a brusque detox that compromised my well-being and my medical saftety as I suffered stroke level high blood pressure as a result of this whipsaw detox to save professional face for concurrently prescribing Xanax and opiates which was black boxed by the FDA in February 2K16. This was NOT my problem and I can assure you my legal team is hard at work proving the medical detox I weltered was by far the worst medical decision made by a medical professional not educated or qualified to make such a decision to exculpate herself from the near fatal mistake her dissolute decision had cost me in the multitude of maladies I have suffered as a result.
Her decision was just a moment in time but the ramifications of her decisions on my being are here to last a life time if I don't receive the capstone medicinal treatment I have required for the past twelve years and a paragon of 6 board certified psychiatrists. She was just a lowly psych-med nurse which brings opprobrium to all her professional peers.
My story is surely not over, in fact it is just getting started as I slowly begin to receive the remedial treatment I now require to compensate for the negligence of one scurrilous psych-med nurse. My well-being will not be determined by her or anyone else unqualified to handle my complex psychiatric case.
Corey
BORN THIS WAY-2K17
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