The mitigating factors of my recovery from medical prescription detox are time and the Valium regime I was put on by my new psychiatrist over three weeks ago. Both of these factors have changed my life.
Time, has a way of passing the discomfort and re-positioning it into a parcel that is easier to swallow and grapple with. The first month out of the hospital before I was treated properly for my ongoing withdrawals I was writhing in bed in utter discomfort and agony. I had visiting nurses coming to my house and they and Stephanie had all they could do to keep me from seriously causing physical harm to myself to alleviate the pain and suffering my mind and body was enduring.
To mollify me, my new primary care doctor set me up with a new psychiatrist who scuttled the existing paradigm of my care in favor of a more humane approach to my detox which included her minion: Valium. It was a slower acting medication than Xanax with a much longer half-life and could be tapered off much more easily over the long run. I was put on a very high dose to offset the high dosage of Xanax I had taken daily for twelve years. My initial dosage of Valium was 25mg three times a day. Yes, a lot of Valium, but considering the higher dosage of Xanax I took daily for twelve years this was deemed sufficient.
Stephanie and I had just been trying to survive the harrowing effects of my detox in the first month and weeks of my releases from the hospital. Any semblance of normalcy was forgone with the withdrawals and aftermath of the prescription detox. We were unable to eat or sleep on any sort of normal time table. I was awake most of the time, crying and screaming in pain so bad I swore my body was breaking.
It was in fact breaking from the full-body withdrawals, and I have the long-term neurological affects to prove it. Lazy eyes, uneven check muscles, a crooked smile, and a mouth that droops are all part and parcel of the aftermath of medical detox done in 16 days from Xanax and Adderall.
I just stopped mourning my physical ailments as I now try to take a selfie picture everyday just for myself to get used to the probably permanent changes in my features. I was such a person who put so much stock into their looks and especially their face; my face fails me now or I fail my face. I try to use these pictures to break the shock and awe value of changes associated with my detox on a daily basis. Yesterday, I took a picture and realized I could edit it to make my eyes bigger and not so lazy, and blur out the lines under my eyes, so the picture not looking like the old me but better than the "real" me was posted on Instagram and Facebook. I took pleasure in hash tagging captions #remnantsofmedicaldetox and #confidentcorey. All of which was true in the moment but sad when I went back and looked at the pictures just two years ago of me.
To parry my Valium dosage my psychiatrist has already decreased the initial dosage by five milligrams. Not a lot but enough to let me know this too shall change. I so wish I had fought my healthcare provider at the time of my medical detox and not let her get away with this barbaric act of unethical medicinal behavior.
I have been a chattel to prescription drugs for well over twelve years and don't expect much to change in the long run. Stephanie and I are committed to getting me the adequate treatment to get me back on the efficacious drug regime that worked before the punitive opiate self-detox demise. U-Me is celebrating a year from going from platonic to romantic this month and we hope to do it in high style if my health holds its own. Right now all is well, and school looks like it is back into the picture for a new start date of this fall.
Everything happens for a reason, and U-Me has been made so much more fortified by this entire detox ordeal. If we can survive this and come out the other side better and stronger than truly the sky is the limits. I see my new psychiatrist on Saturday so here is to hoping she adds Adderall back into the script, I mean the mix:)
Corey
BORN THIS WAY-2K17
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