I am supposed to board an all night train to DC tonight to march in the million women march tomorrow and my stomach is freaking out. Two incidents of not pleasant seeing my food twice and I am hot and then cold. If I don't get on this train, I miss this march I have planned on going on with Stephanie. It means a lot to me and I feel like my body is getting a bit sicker and sicker.
I can't lay down as that makes me antsy and more nauseous. I am home by myself and could call and cancel the tickets in the next hour. I know Stephanie is not going to want to go with this news. I have pins in my thumb and anorexia to boot. I think I will go lay down with my Kindle Fire and shut off this one light I have on. Tonight I know I am not supposed to mention it but at 8 pm it is supposed to be lights out on Trump. I think I will head to bed and wait for Stephanie to get home. She should be home any minute she called me from the parking lot like 15 minutes ago.
Tried laying down, and I feel way worse when I do that. Stephanie just got home and said no go to DC. She said between your arm, anorexia, and this bug or whatever is going on we can not go. I am so bummed and feel like once again my body is ruining everything. She is on the phone with Amtrak trying to see what she can do to get a refund. The tickets were super expensive because we got them so late, and now we might not get the money back.
I just feel ill honestly, and no matter what I do, I can't get rid of this yuck in my gut. I am so close to crying I am so frustrated, but that is not what I am going to do.
I went to thee 24 hour store and got a latte and I am also eating cold left-over oatmeal with milk. I think I might be feeling a tich better, but Stephanie got the refund and we are not going to the march...really sucks. The girl at the store said everyone has been sick but I can't get sick. I lose more weight and I get antsy not able to do things and it just isn't feasible. Going from cold to hot again, Maybe at 8 pm when all the lights except on our IPads and Kindles go off for the Trump hour, the food will coat my stomach and I will be able to go to bed. Right now sleep is an impossibility.
Stephanie found out today with becoming a partner she gets two additional weeks of vacation, and that isn't the best part, if they hit their numbers, she will get a 45% bonus in January! I mean this is really the big leagues!
I am like go Stephanie, go!
She is worried about me, and I don't do well with that, as I always feel like the patient. I tried so hard today to get on a new track and get to the gym, where my bad knee that hasn't been operated on is starting to hurt when I climb stairs. Maybe the treadmill will be better?
Tomorrow I will try that out for a longer interval and see how it goes. I also didn't have my patellar stabilizer on, so perhaps that over sight on my part cost me a bit of a set back. What I wouldn't give to be able to go to the gym and just really have a full body workout.
I know it will come, but it is awhile away. I have a year recovery total for my foot, and then there is the operation on my leg to re-align it. I can't give it much thought or it does deflate me, but 8pm is almost here so I will be back at 9pm. Blackness in the house sets in. I know it is silly.....
I am going to see if I can find something to eat that doesn't upset my gut. The oatmeal and some Tums really helped! I don't feel like I am going to be able to sleep tonight but I will worry about that later. I am bringing my IPad along with Stephanie and we are going under the covers to keep the house dark. I am going on Facebook, because I haven't learnt how to blog from it yet. I am so technologically adept and this simple blogger has me tossed over the fence for a curve ball. I found out there is a way to do the million women's march virtually by going to this email address and posting a picture of yourself and writing your story. I am going to tell so many people to do that that couldn't go to DC.
I am having to come to terms with a really broke down body. Between the anorexia and the fall in August with all the injuries I am in this for a long haul. I need to be able to wrap my mind around it better. With my Pure Mania and ADHD I am in need of lots of motion to keep me on an even keel. I am not sedentary by any means and I will have to really work out my upper body when my foot gets operated on.
One of the reasons that Stephanie and I can't find properties is that the coast of Maine, is out for us. They have income tax and sales tax and it would cost us a chunk of change to live in Maine, no matter how beautiful it is. I sort of wish we could find a parcel of land and build all new from the ground up. I think it is harder to find rehabs, and lots of people want to buy them and flip them. I guess I can't be opposed to living in an already built house, but it won't have exactly what I want.
At some point in the spring if we aren't finding rehabs and parcels of land, we will need to re-evaluate our plan. Do we stay here another two years and really save money, or do we just take the best house already built that we find on the market? I am really not jazzed about that option.
Stephanie is fine as long as it is ocean front and I am happy. Well I am not that happy now, and maybe January is a bad month for looking. I mean I guess most people wait until Spring to list their houses.
Oh my gosh, my back is seizing up from riding that damn bike like a maniac today. Sometimes I truly am my own enemy. I hadn't done anything cardio in 6 months, and I get on a spin bike and ride to beat the bus to school? It is only after 9 pm and I can imagine how I am going to feel in the morning.
I need to get my head out of my ass, and face the facts here. I am injured really badly, and I am not going to be able to do things like I did anytime soon. I can cry about it, or I can think of alternatives. Maybe the treadmill will work out for me.
I barely slept last night, and even after eating feel nauseas, however my knee is not right but my back is all better. I am going to try to get to the gym this afternoon, although I know Stephanie will try to dissuade me from going. If she could come up with an alternative that was interesting I would be all for it.
Maybe today is the day we take a ride around the coast of New Hampshire and look for properties. The Realtors are not panning out for us. I am now more inclined to build from the ground up on a parcel of land, than rehab or buy a house outright. Stephanie thinks I need to be more open-minded about buying an already built house. I just know it won't have everything specifically I want, and seeing how this is our dream house I think I should get exactly what I want. I have toyed with the idea of buying a parcel of land this year, and staying here another year and a half so we save more money, as building from the ground up is going to be the most expensive way for us to go. Stephanie is fine here, it is me that is ready to move. However, perhaps if we bought land this year, and waited a year to get the builders we want, we could stay settled and save a boat load of money. I would even propose saving more money than we are saving now. I think Stephanie would be into it, as we need to get married, and that is going to cost me a pretty penny for the honeymoon. Stephanie's parents have generously offered to pay for the wedding and reception, and realize our tastes aren't cheap. Stephanie has decided to go with an intimate wedding and then later throw a big party for all of our friends and people who should get invited. I think she thought she could keep the wedding down to like 60 people as I gave her my list, and it isn't very long, I am just as glad to keep it small as some people were at my first wedding and I feel rather sheepish about inviting them to my second wedding. We are going to have the reception in a ballroom at the Wentworth by the Sea where we went for our first night together and where we got engaged. We think we might do matching wedding bands, but I don't know how realistic it is with her bling. I think she is going to need a bigger and blingish like ring to match her engagement ring, I told her I was fine using my engagement ring that she gave me-l love it but she said no, I needed diamonds. The problem is my first wedding ring was a platinum band of solid diamonds, and I would want something similar, nothing too girlie.
I think when Stephanie wakes up I will tell her my idea about buying a parcel of land this year or actually spring, and sitting on it for a year. We can pay cash for it, and go to all kinds of home shows and find the architects we want, although I would like to use the ones I used for one of my rehabs on Cape Cod. That way we can work with the builders and architects and come up with our dream house to specification, and have a solid budget that won't be a complete surprise to us. I think that really makes the most sense, and before all that we come up with a figure that we are topping or capping our housing budget at. I mean, we can't build blindly, and if we work with the builders and architects we will know exactly what we will be getting for a house. I am sure that is how most people do it, but we are going to be doing a lot of customizing.
I am excited really, and think I will start searching on just parcels of land, and looking at fine builders that do the type of work we are looking for and want. I am going to work on a budget to see how much additional cash we can save, and figure out how much roughly we are looking at spending. I am sure it will take a year to get the builders we want, as we want stone work, and a lot of outside work done with landscapers. I won't be able to come up with a finite budget, but we will see roughly where we are at. We could even rent a storage unit and buy say the appliances or the windows or at least the few custom windows I want. I don't think, well I know Stephanie is not as picky about this stuff as I am. I think she will be more into the color palette and the window dresses and probably the appliances too.
So I think a good ride around the area would be good today, and there is always seeing Bella. I think I am taking her to get her eyebrows waxed today. Kids start so young with these things nowadays.
I am going to start working on our savings budget and pay some bills to get ahead. I think we have plenty to look forward to, and as long as I can keep my injuries in perspective, and work the surgeries around our wedding we will be fine. I started out in the dumps, and wrote myself to higher ground.
Corey
BORN THIS WAY-2017
Saturday, January 21, 2017
Thursday, January 19, 2017
Corey's Comeback Today
Today marks the beginning of an unexpected comeback on my part. I got up and blogged and got some things done around the house.
I then got a little motivated and tried to go to the gym, but 2 times Julia Bleu made me feel too guilty. I knew I had to make her and myself something to eat. I made some quick egg salad and she was very happy.
I then put on my gym sneakers and my plan was to do cardio and abs if possible. I journaled on the bus on the way to the gym, and was surprised I was really going.
I got off the bus and walked the little way to the gym and they looked at me like, who are you? I smiled and said I haven't really been using my membership but I YOU will be seeing a lot more of me. I put my jacket in a locker without a lock which I reminded myself I needed to buy. I wasn't sure what they had for bikes and I really wanted a spinning bike. They had something close to it but without an instructor I was forced to do the program in the machine. I picked intensity level 8 at 30 minutes, and if you saw my stick legs, without wrinkles above the knees, you would have laughed at me- I did. I am ridiculously too skinny, but not fat skinny, I am super toned, with abs, and shoulders from all my push-ups. I forgot my beats, so no music except gym music. Yeah I felt the same way. I got the bike all situated for myself and jumped up with one arm in a full length cast, and away I went. I was dying at the 15 minute mark and then I saw it......the dreaded incline. Oh my, well I did it, and I didn't have a heart attack. At the end, I was weak and dizzy but I thought of swamp swagga, and she is fat and big along with manly, and I am none of those things and I will not give up my lean mean skinny assed body.
I was a bit shaky getting out the bike but I don't think anybody noticed. I then made my way to the ab room and kick ass on my obliques, lower abs, and my natural almost eight pack. I finished with the roman chair weighted down with a thirty five pound weight. Now I felt like they could call for help, what the fuck was I thinking, I am not in shape to kill it like I did today. I was so sweaty and chilled really fast. I put on my unlike gym sweater and took my knap-sack not looking the part at all, but trust me the up-town swagger is starting to blossom.
I sat down but was afraid I might not be able to get back up. I drank my diet sprite, and finally bothered to look at the others at the gym. Same trash as usual. Girls with asses too big, and guys all that with stick for legs taking 'roids. So not my scene. I thought I am going to talk to Stephanie about putting in a full gym in our new house. Surely she wouldn't want me to be hanging out here.
I finally felt like I could stand up and I went to get my coat out of the locker room. On the way out, I had up-town swagger, and the chick behind the desk waved bye. Right, no attention on the way in, but a bit of respect on the way out.
I had missed the next bus, but needed to go to the grocery store to return farm milk bottles, and get some more milk. Did that and there was a plaza with a Bed and Bath, which I don't shop at but I like to look around. Most of you know I burn a candle every afternoon, and I don't care what color is-they had their Christmas stuff marked down to 75 percent off and I found these super cool silver pillars. The sign said, discount taken at register but these candles were originally marked 8.99 and there was a new price of something close to 75 percent off. I went to the cashier and she rang them up at the lower price. I said, excuse me the sign says the discount taken at the register. I knew someone had made a mistake but I was coming out on top, heck today is my come back! Manager came, and said, "Yes you need to take another 75 percent off." She glared at me, and I smiled as I paid a 1.29 for 2 amazing silver candles. I said, "I think I got the best out of this sale."
Back out into the sunshine my legs still shaky and my whole body exhausted, I went to wait for the bus. I will do this for the month the cast is on my arm, and then when they brake my foot in two places, I will go Tarzan on the upper body weights with lots of HIIT. That ensures the shredding and not the ugly bulk.
You never know when your life is going to change and give you a sunny day and a gym calling my name. One visit and I am hooked, although I need to get out my gym clothes that are all going to be too big, and I will have to figure something out.
I came home, without a treat for Julia, and she was so happy to see me it didn't matter. I sat at my desk and called my ex wife. We talked about Bella and what a great kid she is, and then I called my mom in Florida for the Bella report which she loves. I am feeling tired but so good, and happy.
I am going to jump in the shower, and then blog a blog I started last night. I got to clean the kitchen, but being ready for my girl is more important.
Today rocked. Corey is back, and I am meaning business!
Corey
BORN THIS WAY-2017
I then got a little motivated and tried to go to the gym, but 2 times Julia Bleu made me feel too guilty. I knew I had to make her and myself something to eat. I made some quick egg salad and she was very happy.
I then put on my gym sneakers and my plan was to do cardio and abs if possible. I journaled on the bus on the way to the gym, and was surprised I was really going.
I got off the bus and walked the little way to the gym and they looked at me like, who are you? I smiled and said I haven't really been using my membership but I YOU will be seeing a lot more of me. I put my jacket in a locker without a lock which I reminded myself I needed to buy. I wasn't sure what they had for bikes and I really wanted a spinning bike. They had something close to it but without an instructor I was forced to do the program in the machine. I picked intensity level 8 at 30 minutes, and if you saw my stick legs, without wrinkles above the knees, you would have laughed at me- I did. I am ridiculously too skinny, but not fat skinny, I am super toned, with abs, and shoulders from all my push-ups. I forgot my beats, so no music except gym music. Yeah I felt the same way. I got the bike all situated for myself and jumped up with one arm in a full length cast, and away I went. I was dying at the 15 minute mark and then I saw it......the dreaded incline. Oh my, well I did it, and I didn't have a heart attack. At the end, I was weak and dizzy but I thought of swamp swagga, and she is fat and big along with manly, and I am none of those things and I will not give up my lean mean skinny assed body.
I was a bit shaky getting out the bike but I don't think anybody noticed. I then made my way to the ab room and kick ass on my obliques, lower abs, and my natural almost eight pack. I finished with the roman chair weighted down with a thirty five pound weight. Now I felt like they could call for help, what the fuck was I thinking, I am not in shape to kill it like I did today. I was so sweaty and chilled really fast. I put on my unlike gym sweater and took my knap-sack not looking the part at all, but trust me the up-town swagger is starting to blossom.
I sat down but was afraid I might not be able to get back up. I drank my diet sprite, and finally bothered to look at the others at the gym. Same trash as usual. Girls with asses too big, and guys all that with stick for legs taking 'roids. So not my scene. I thought I am going to talk to Stephanie about putting in a full gym in our new house. Surely she wouldn't want me to be hanging out here.
I finally felt like I could stand up and I went to get my coat out of the locker room. On the way out, I had up-town swagger, and the chick behind the desk waved bye. Right, no attention on the way in, but a bit of respect on the way out.
I had missed the next bus, but needed to go to the grocery store to return farm milk bottles, and get some more milk. Did that and there was a plaza with a Bed and Bath, which I don't shop at but I like to look around. Most of you know I burn a candle every afternoon, and I don't care what color is-they had their Christmas stuff marked down to 75 percent off and I found these super cool silver pillars. The sign said, discount taken at register but these candles were originally marked 8.99 and there was a new price of something close to 75 percent off. I went to the cashier and she rang them up at the lower price. I said, excuse me the sign says the discount taken at the register. I knew someone had made a mistake but I was coming out on top, heck today is my come back! Manager came, and said, "Yes you need to take another 75 percent off." She glared at me, and I smiled as I paid a 1.29 for 2 amazing silver candles. I said, "I think I got the best out of this sale."
Back out into the sunshine my legs still shaky and my whole body exhausted, I went to wait for the bus. I will do this for the month the cast is on my arm, and then when they brake my foot in two places, I will go Tarzan on the upper body weights with lots of HIIT. That ensures the shredding and not the ugly bulk.
You never know when your life is going to change and give you a sunny day and a gym calling my name. One visit and I am hooked, although I need to get out my gym clothes that are all going to be too big, and I will have to figure something out.
I came home, without a treat for Julia, and she was so happy to see me it didn't matter. I sat at my desk and called my ex wife. We talked about Bella and what a great kid she is, and then I called my mom in Florida for the Bella report which she loves. I am feeling tired but so good, and happy.
I am going to jump in the shower, and then blog a blog I started last night. I got to clean the kitchen, but being ready for my girl is more important.
Today rocked. Corey is back, and I am meaning business!
Corey
BORN THIS WAY-2017
Wednesday, January 18, 2017
Wednesday Musings
Last night Stephanie came home and I had chilled a bottle of Perrier Jouet for celebrating her Partnership promotion. It was lovely and took some of the hardness of the afternoon away.
We ordered Thai food, and set the kitchen table and Stephanie went to get the food. The best Thai food and they don't deliver.
Stephanie got home and it had started to snow. We were do to get 4-7 inches. We sat at the table, and I had made a salad to go with the Thai food. Stephanie was so happy, and so excited about the pay raise and what that meant for us. I told her that was her's and she would hear nothing of it.
It lead into our next conversation that I think coming from me, was a surprise to Stephanie. I suggested getting married sooner rather than later, and maybe doing a quick ceremony with my priest, in my quaint stone church that would be decorated the way we wanted, and then doing a reception at the Wentworth by the Sea where we went for our first night, our engagement and now perhaps our reception. I told Stephanie she would need a passport and at least three weeks off of work for our honeymoon. "Well I will have to give proper notice to get that time of time off from work. I understood that, which is why I was bringing it up now. She was very excited!
She asked, "How many guests do you want?"
I answered, "I want the people we want there to be there, so I really don't have a number. Remember this is my second marriage, so I feel a little sheepish about the entire thing."
We enjoyed dinner and the champagne, and Stephanie said, she wanted to contribute to our savings and our regular savings, that we were just starting out. I said okay, "But I will put in the same you put in,are we clear?" She nodded and said, "Things were really going well for us." I said "Yes, in a lot of ways this is true, but my injuries and operations were hard on me, and I had gotten into it with my ex wife today. I don't want to spoil the night and everything is fine, I am just struggling a bit."
Stephanie felt bad, which I didn't want, and she said, "Of course this is very hard on you. You need to articulate yourself more when it comes to the injuries, because you seem fine, and inside I know you are not." My eyes welled up, which was the last thing I wanted, and Stephanie got off her chair and came and hugged me tight. I felt like such a stooge honestly.
We declared dinner over, and I told Stephanie I would do the dishes in the morning. We stacked up all the dirty ones, and she still had work to do for the practice. We went into the study, and I jokingly said, "I think I have permanent company in my study and I love it."
We kissed a U-ME kiss and both sat down at our computers. I was blogging about character and injuries, and Stephanie was writing out a guest list for the wedding. I laughed to myself and kept on blogging, We finished up in the study like two hours later, and the snow was really beginning to accumulate. We shut off the lights, and I went into my bathroom, and Stephanie went into the other, and we both got ready for bed.
I opened up a diet sprite out of the bedroom refrigerator and got on my side and asked Alexia to play Beautiful People. It started to play immediately and Stephanie had but on one of her sexy nighties and laughed a devilish laugh as she cuddled up to me. I was glad I told her about my discussion with my wife, as I would tell her the details later. One thing lead to another and soon U-ME were one hot mess of passionate mayhem. I didn't look at the clock and passed out as did Stephanie.
I woke up around four am and made a sandwich and went to the 24 hour store with Julia Bleu. I got my coffee, and although it was very snowy and slushy outside I was glad we went. I took my golden elixir with the Adderall and perused Facebook for awhile. Soon Stephanie was up, and everything changed. She was worried about the roads, so wanted to get a jumpstart on getting to work. She hurriedly got showered and dressed, and gave me a big treat. The other partners at the practice had pitched in and gave her 10,000 for her promotion. I was crazy incredulous and said, "What do you want me to do with it.?" She said, "Really? Get Stephanie inked on your arm. No, I am sort of kidding, but put it where you think it should go." I said, "Stephanie, I can't take this from you, it is yours." She said rather sternly, "It is ours end of story." We kissed and she was off and out the door. I asked her to text me when she got to the office. "Of course ," she answered.
I got to thinking about my swamp swagga friend enemy who does beautity pageants. I follow her, and stay quiet. When I speak you will hear her screams from wherever you are. She put down a woman in an ad, saying, "Ew Her? I mean there are a lot of good looking Italian women out there and they had to pick her.? " I was amazed at her meanness and cattiness. She is NO raving beauty but that isn't what life is really about or is it for some? I mean Stephanie is stellar in the looks and personality department, but I would have married her just for her pure heart. I don't know why this woman bothers me so much, other than I am out 16,000 plus for the time I spent with her. Granted she owes me 7,200 but I still spent a lot of money on this troll. She makes me mean, I look at the way I talk about her, and it isn't nice. I try to be open-minded but she really gets me all worked up. I haven't seen a post from her in over a day, and nobody is responding to her site. I wonder if she caught on I was following her and moved her site? I sort of doubt that I think she would just block me from this site as well. I have to let her go, my anger towards her on a multitude of levels is not good, or healthy. I am just going to leave her alone and when I am ready let her have it.
Today the weather is really crappy. No weather to go to school and fill out the necessary paperwork I need to get into the system.
My Bella had a two hour delay but it is still snowing here and supposed to turn to freezing rain later this afternoon.
I have been journaling a lot, and working through my personal angst about injuries, and operations. I have just got to suck it up and deal as best I can, as this could be a lot worse for sure.
I am blogging later on Tweakedboi and I am going to do some house picking up, and maybe some laundry. I have to clear my old bed off as my cousin Robyn comes next week and the room has to be all set up and all my stuff needs to be moved.
I am going to take an hour and get my bedroom done and my laundry in. I hope Stephanie is having a good first day as partner, and that her commute home isn't too bad.
I need to just write an entire tell all about swamp swagga. Even if I don't post it I know I will feel better. Trapped inside-the winter's ills have me sequestered.
Corey
BORN THIS WAY-2017
We ordered Thai food, and set the kitchen table and Stephanie went to get the food. The best Thai food and they don't deliver.
Stephanie got home and it had started to snow. We were do to get 4-7 inches. We sat at the table, and I had made a salad to go with the Thai food. Stephanie was so happy, and so excited about the pay raise and what that meant for us. I told her that was her's and she would hear nothing of it.
It lead into our next conversation that I think coming from me, was a surprise to Stephanie. I suggested getting married sooner rather than later, and maybe doing a quick ceremony with my priest, in my quaint stone church that would be decorated the way we wanted, and then doing a reception at the Wentworth by the Sea where we went for our first night, our engagement and now perhaps our reception. I told Stephanie she would need a passport and at least three weeks off of work for our honeymoon. "Well I will have to give proper notice to get that time of time off from work. I understood that, which is why I was bringing it up now. She was very excited!
She asked, "How many guests do you want?"
I answered, "I want the people we want there to be there, so I really don't have a number. Remember this is my second marriage, so I feel a little sheepish about the entire thing."
We enjoyed dinner and the champagne, and Stephanie said, she wanted to contribute to our savings and our regular savings, that we were just starting out. I said okay, "But I will put in the same you put in,are we clear?" She nodded and said, "Things were really going well for us." I said "Yes, in a lot of ways this is true, but my injuries and operations were hard on me, and I had gotten into it with my ex wife today. I don't want to spoil the night and everything is fine, I am just struggling a bit."
Stephanie felt bad, which I didn't want, and she said, "Of course this is very hard on you. You need to articulate yourself more when it comes to the injuries, because you seem fine, and inside I know you are not." My eyes welled up, which was the last thing I wanted, and Stephanie got off her chair and came and hugged me tight. I felt like such a stooge honestly.
We declared dinner over, and I told Stephanie I would do the dishes in the morning. We stacked up all the dirty ones, and she still had work to do for the practice. We went into the study, and I jokingly said, "I think I have permanent company in my study and I love it."
We kissed a U-ME kiss and both sat down at our computers. I was blogging about character and injuries, and Stephanie was writing out a guest list for the wedding. I laughed to myself and kept on blogging, We finished up in the study like two hours later, and the snow was really beginning to accumulate. We shut off the lights, and I went into my bathroom, and Stephanie went into the other, and we both got ready for bed.
I opened up a diet sprite out of the bedroom refrigerator and got on my side and asked Alexia to play Beautiful People. It started to play immediately and Stephanie had but on one of her sexy nighties and laughed a devilish laugh as she cuddled up to me. I was glad I told her about my discussion with my wife, as I would tell her the details later. One thing lead to another and soon U-ME were one hot mess of passionate mayhem. I didn't look at the clock and passed out as did Stephanie.
I woke up around four am and made a sandwich and went to the 24 hour store with Julia Bleu. I got my coffee, and although it was very snowy and slushy outside I was glad we went. I took my golden elixir with the Adderall and perused Facebook for awhile. Soon Stephanie was up, and everything changed. She was worried about the roads, so wanted to get a jumpstart on getting to work. She hurriedly got showered and dressed, and gave me a big treat. The other partners at the practice had pitched in and gave her 10,000 for her promotion. I was crazy incredulous and said, "What do you want me to do with it.?" She said, "Really? Get Stephanie inked on your arm. No, I am sort of kidding, but put it where you think it should go." I said, "Stephanie, I can't take this from you, it is yours." She said rather sternly, "It is ours end of story." We kissed and she was off and out the door. I asked her to text me when she got to the office. "Of course ," she answered.
I got to thinking about my swamp swagga friend enemy who does beautity pageants. I follow her, and stay quiet. When I speak you will hear her screams from wherever you are. She put down a woman in an ad, saying, "Ew Her? I mean there are a lot of good looking Italian women out there and they had to pick her.? " I was amazed at her meanness and cattiness. She is NO raving beauty but that isn't what life is really about or is it for some? I mean Stephanie is stellar in the looks and personality department, but I would have married her just for her pure heart. I don't know why this woman bothers me so much, other than I am out 16,000 plus for the time I spent with her. Granted she owes me 7,200 but I still spent a lot of money on this troll. She makes me mean, I look at the way I talk about her, and it isn't nice. I try to be open-minded but she really gets me all worked up. I haven't seen a post from her in over a day, and nobody is responding to her site. I wonder if she caught on I was following her and moved her site? I sort of doubt that I think she would just block me from this site as well. I have to let her go, my anger towards her on a multitude of levels is not good, or healthy. I am just going to leave her alone and when I am ready let her have it.
Today the weather is really crappy. No weather to go to school and fill out the necessary paperwork I need to get into the system.
My Bella had a two hour delay but it is still snowing here and supposed to turn to freezing rain later this afternoon.
I have been journaling a lot, and working through my personal angst about injuries, and operations. I have just got to suck it up and deal as best I can, as this could be a lot worse for sure.
I am blogging later on Tweakedboi and I am going to do some house picking up, and maybe some laundry. I have to clear my old bed off as my cousin Robyn comes next week and the room has to be all set up and all my stuff needs to be moved.
I am going to take an hour and get my bedroom done and my laundry in. I hope Stephanie is having a good first day as partner, and that her commute home isn't too bad.
I need to just write an entire tell all about swamp swagga. Even if I don't post it I know I will feel better. Trapped inside-the winter's ills have me sequestered.
Corey
BORN THIS WAY-2017
Tuesday, January 17, 2017
It Builds Character
Ever since I took that fall in August, I have noticed something that keeps building and building as time passes: this shit builds serious character.
I would not say I was lacking in character before, but it wasn't this type of character I am building now. Between the limited mobility, and injuries, to the pain pills, and operations, this has been a huge time of serious, hard-core character building.
I mean when you injure all four of your limbs, yet don't break your head or your back from a car wreck, the sympathy and understanding run out rather quickly. I have been left to my own when I can't change my closes or take a shower, or eat anything more than a yogurt because I couldn't cook-well things aren't personally so swell.
Stephanie is the only one who truly knows what I have lived through, and she remarked last night, that I have become softer and gentler in approach to others and situations.
I don't want to lose my edge, but I have grown in a spiritual way, that only God and the Holy Trinity could help me with.
I would have to be living in a rehab place if it wasn't for Stephanie. People care, until you need, and I get that. I used to be just like all of them. My ex wife is exceptionally hard on me, and used to help me out whatever it was, and now that Stephanie is around, she is no where to be found, and doesn't offer to help me out with anything. I asked her the other day if she could take me to the grocery store, and after a silent pause, she agreed to do it at 4 pm. I know beggars can't be choosers but I was calling at 9 am , and she knew I like and need to get things done on the early side. I swallowed my pride, and unfortunately had to ask Stephanie, who is more than happy, but I don't want to burn her out. My ex-wife says, don't burn Stephanie out, but other than pick me up from the hospital after surgery, she has offered no assistance. In fact, I have cooked for Bella, and bought take out, that all went home to my ex-wife's where she ate the take out food I bought for Bella. I am embarrassed to admit this stuff, but this is my lived reality, and I would and do anything I can to help my ex-wife. She doesn't care about me and Stephanie, she just wants me out of her life. Well I will tell you, not only writing this but living this is pure character building.
I have tried since my divorce to be a better person to her, but as the years have passed on, she is just become more removed and distant and today I find her new trick is to accompany Bella on her camp trips, and that gives her time in the evenings and on the weekends with Bella, and leaves me out.
I could feel bad for myself, I could cry, but now is the time to have the self-respect with my ex-wife that she never gave me and I never gave myself. I refuse to have Stephanie be my only it girl, and if this was my ex wife's friend she would be helping out all she could. So this is what character building looks like.......
It isn't pretty, and yes it hurts, but I will get through to the other side, and I am never going to look back on her again. Forget it, all done. I just called her and told her we needed to have a conversation, and the machine picked up. I told her I wasn't burning Stephanie out, and I needed to talk to her when Bella and Stephanie weren't around. Her cold and callous ways towards me are going to STOP. If that means I can't shower or change my clothes than I will survive. I am done with this horseshit treatment. I thought I was the wrong one, the bad one in the marriage, but through therapy I learned that wasn't the case. We both failed, and she waited while she was still married to me to emotional separate so she was okay with the divorce-she actually lied to me.
I am always looking for an opportunity to change my life around for the better. Never mind, never a ride anywhere from my ex wife, I do stand in frigid weather and take cabs like everyone else.
I am not letting my guard down, in fact I might unplug my phone and it won't matter because she will not call anyway. When I have a problem, which is hardly ever, my bullying ex wife gets a bigger bad-ass attitude.
I will not bring it up to Stephanie, I don't want her to do anything more, but I am not letting her do everything for me. I seriously will go without. It isn't about Stephanie, it is about my family being there to help out too. If they can't help, I will have to make the best of the situation as I can.
Character building is NOT "poor me", and nor do I feel like that-I am dealing with the help and resources I have and those I will utilize, and I will not use Stephanie for everything.
I am feeling the power and strength come out of my soul and I am going to be tested hard I know, but I will do this. I will keep my self-respect and my dignity, and I won't just use people because they are there like my ex wife wants me to do.
During every phase of our lives, there is a learning curve if we chose, and I chose this one out of any other's because I lack self-love and I lack-self respect, and I am going to through this arduous process of still two more surgeries, going to learn to love myself and have a bit of self-respect.
Lacking these two vital components of our lives is not attractive to myself or to others. I am not worried about others I worry what I think and what I feel towards myself, and also towards the people who truly may not care about me anymore.
I got this. The snow is going to start falling tonight, so my plans to go to school tomorrow might not work out. I will work on other things, and I will enjoy Stephanie's company not just her help. I am not sorry to my ex wife that this isn't convenient for her-what the fuck does she think it is to me and to Stephanie?
I needed to rant, I even feel like I built some seedlings of character along this writing pathway.
I am not angry nor will I be angry. My ex wife owes me nothing when all is said and done-however we were different and I wish I knew when it all changed.
Corey
BORN THIS WAY-2017
I would not say I was lacking in character before, but it wasn't this type of character I am building now. Between the limited mobility, and injuries, to the pain pills, and operations, this has been a huge time of serious, hard-core character building.
I mean when you injure all four of your limbs, yet don't break your head or your back from a car wreck, the sympathy and understanding run out rather quickly. I have been left to my own when I can't change my closes or take a shower, or eat anything more than a yogurt because I couldn't cook-well things aren't personally so swell.
Stephanie is the only one who truly knows what I have lived through, and she remarked last night, that I have become softer and gentler in approach to others and situations.
I don't want to lose my edge, but I have grown in a spiritual way, that only God and the Holy Trinity could help me with.
I would have to be living in a rehab place if it wasn't for Stephanie. People care, until you need, and I get that. I used to be just like all of them. My ex wife is exceptionally hard on me, and used to help me out whatever it was, and now that Stephanie is around, she is no where to be found, and doesn't offer to help me out with anything. I asked her the other day if she could take me to the grocery store, and after a silent pause, she agreed to do it at 4 pm. I know beggars can't be choosers but I was calling at 9 am , and she knew I like and need to get things done on the early side. I swallowed my pride, and unfortunately had to ask Stephanie, who is more than happy, but I don't want to burn her out. My ex-wife says, don't burn Stephanie out, but other than pick me up from the hospital after surgery, she has offered no assistance. In fact, I have cooked for Bella, and bought take out, that all went home to my ex-wife's where she ate the take out food I bought for Bella. I am embarrassed to admit this stuff, but this is my lived reality, and I would and do anything I can to help my ex-wife. She doesn't care about me and Stephanie, she just wants me out of her life. Well I will tell you, not only writing this but living this is pure character building.
I have tried since my divorce to be a better person to her, but as the years have passed on, she is just become more removed and distant and today I find her new trick is to accompany Bella on her camp trips, and that gives her time in the evenings and on the weekends with Bella, and leaves me out.
I could feel bad for myself, I could cry, but now is the time to have the self-respect with my ex-wife that she never gave me and I never gave myself. I refuse to have Stephanie be my only it girl, and if this was my ex wife's friend she would be helping out all she could. So this is what character building looks like.......
It isn't pretty, and yes it hurts, but I will get through to the other side, and I am never going to look back on her again. Forget it, all done. I just called her and told her we needed to have a conversation, and the machine picked up. I told her I wasn't burning Stephanie out, and I needed to talk to her when Bella and Stephanie weren't around. Her cold and callous ways towards me are going to STOP. If that means I can't shower or change my clothes than I will survive. I am done with this horseshit treatment. I thought I was the wrong one, the bad one in the marriage, but through therapy I learned that wasn't the case. We both failed, and she waited while she was still married to me to emotional separate so she was okay with the divorce-she actually lied to me.
I am always looking for an opportunity to change my life around for the better. Never mind, never a ride anywhere from my ex wife, I do stand in frigid weather and take cabs like everyone else.
I am not letting my guard down, in fact I might unplug my phone and it won't matter because she will not call anyway. When I have a problem, which is hardly ever, my bullying ex wife gets a bigger bad-ass attitude.
I will not bring it up to Stephanie, I don't want her to do anything more, but I am not letting her do everything for me. I seriously will go without. It isn't about Stephanie, it is about my family being there to help out too. If they can't help, I will have to make the best of the situation as I can.
Character building is NOT "poor me", and nor do I feel like that-I am dealing with the help and resources I have and those I will utilize, and I will not use Stephanie for everything.
I am feeling the power and strength come out of my soul and I am going to be tested hard I know, but I will do this. I will keep my self-respect and my dignity, and I won't just use people because they are there like my ex wife wants me to do.
During every phase of our lives, there is a learning curve if we chose, and I chose this one out of any other's because I lack self-love and I lack-self respect, and I am going to through this arduous process of still two more surgeries, going to learn to love myself and have a bit of self-respect.
Lacking these two vital components of our lives is not attractive to myself or to others. I am not worried about others I worry what I think and what I feel towards myself, and also towards the people who truly may not care about me anymore.
I got this. The snow is going to start falling tonight, so my plans to go to school tomorrow might not work out. I will work on other things, and I will enjoy Stephanie's company not just her help. I am not sorry to my ex wife that this isn't convenient for her-what the fuck does she think it is to me and to Stephanie?
I needed to rant, I even feel like I built some seedlings of character along this writing pathway.
I am not angry nor will I be angry. My ex wife owes me nothing when all is said and done-however we were different and I wish I knew when it all changed.
Corey
BORN THIS WAY-2017
Corey Britton Making It Count!
I have just been given the news on my body that I needed. I can't crutch until my hand is out of the cast and the bones are fully healed.
I need to make this time count in many ways. I have to take advantage of the no foot operation and no crutching in the ice and snow. I must get to the gym for cardio, and abs, and let my body heal properly. I plan on really eating well and hopefully strengthening my legs, and my core, while getting ready for this invasive foot operation.
School and Rainbow Nation are my day time priorities and Bella and Stephanie are my afternoon and night time priorities. I hope to get all the paperwork done to tweak my major change, and be really in a position with international consulting to going back to making the big bucks when I want to work, which will not be all the time. As long as Bella has summers off from school, I want some flexibility to spend time with her.
It looks like I will graduate with a 4.0 GPA and I am already inducted into the hardest honor society there is to get into. I am not sure if after missing two semesters to work on the Clinton Campaign I have to reapply for the honor society. I will do whatever I have to do, and tomorrow I will go to school and get my paperwork started for major change and readmission after missing two semesters.
The field of cyber security and systems management is very underrepresented by females, so out pops Corey as a female, and just like that I don't have to pay any money and I get good to great job opportunities because of my age 40 and over. I can't imagine doing what my friend enemy did and work in the same dental field with no advancement educationally for 19 years. Seems so stale and boring, nevermind predictable. I need fast paced, dynamic and changing work environments along with working with different people throughout the world.
Tomorrow I will go to school and nail down, my future and the end of school, and the beginning of my new career. I haven't a clue if Stephanie and I are have a baby, so if we do, I will be not working, and staying home with our love child. If Stephanie wants to stay home she can too, I will make it work for both of us to stay home. My friend enemy worked and never raised her kids, and had them with quick divorces and they were right on top of each other. She hasn't a nurturing bone in her big body, call it muscle, it is big, and she triggers my anorexia because I never want to look and carry myself like her.
Tomorrow I hope to really wrap up school plans for summer semester, and I will take a programming boot camp on-line during the next few months. I am going to take one late start course and it is the hardest math course offered. Did all the calculus classes and that was a breeze.
I hope to take the math course this spring semester and then take my programming boot-camp and start summer semester in May. I will have my foot operated on by then.
I need to maximize all my time, and today, I need to write my missive for Rainbow Nation for Equality for my moderator and colleague to see what she thinks of my vision. I need to flip it around to a 501-C non-profit and get going with the National piece. We need a national presence and voice as soon as possible.
Today, I have to also get the study organized, as there is work, budgets, money as in cash, all over the place.
I want to make 2017 a year that is defining in Corey Britton's life. I can't do it alone, so with Stephanie, and Michelle from Rainbow Nation, and school and the various departments I have to work with, and most importantly my effort to these goals, I hope to really see some Bang! of achievement at the end of 2017.
Corey
BORN THIS WAY-2017
I need to make this time count in many ways. I have to take advantage of the no foot operation and no crutching in the ice and snow. I must get to the gym for cardio, and abs, and let my body heal properly. I plan on really eating well and hopefully strengthening my legs, and my core, while getting ready for this invasive foot operation.
School and Rainbow Nation are my day time priorities and Bella and Stephanie are my afternoon and night time priorities. I hope to get all the paperwork done to tweak my major change, and be really in a position with international consulting to going back to making the big bucks when I want to work, which will not be all the time. As long as Bella has summers off from school, I want some flexibility to spend time with her.
It looks like I will graduate with a 4.0 GPA and I am already inducted into the hardest honor society there is to get into. I am not sure if after missing two semesters to work on the Clinton Campaign I have to reapply for the honor society. I will do whatever I have to do, and tomorrow I will go to school and get my paperwork started for major change and readmission after missing two semesters.
The field of cyber security and systems management is very underrepresented by females, so out pops Corey as a female, and just like that I don't have to pay any money and I get good to great job opportunities because of my age 40 and over. I can't imagine doing what my friend enemy did and work in the same dental field with no advancement educationally for 19 years. Seems so stale and boring, nevermind predictable. I need fast paced, dynamic and changing work environments along with working with different people throughout the world.
Tomorrow I will go to school and nail down, my future and the end of school, and the beginning of my new career. I haven't a clue if Stephanie and I are have a baby, so if we do, I will be not working, and staying home with our love child. If Stephanie wants to stay home she can too, I will make it work for both of us to stay home. My friend enemy worked and never raised her kids, and had them with quick divorces and they were right on top of each other. She hasn't a nurturing bone in her big body, call it muscle, it is big, and she triggers my anorexia because I never want to look and carry myself like her.
Tomorrow I hope to really wrap up school plans for summer semester, and I will take a programming boot camp on-line during the next few months. I am going to take one late start course and it is the hardest math course offered. Did all the calculus classes and that was a breeze.
I hope to take the math course this spring semester and then take my programming boot-camp and start summer semester in May. I will have my foot operated on by then.
I need to maximize all my time, and today, I need to write my missive for Rainbow Nation for Equality for my moderator and colleague to see what she thinks of my vision. I need to flip it around to a 501-C non-profit and get going with the National piece. We need a national presence and voice as soon as possible.
Today, I have to also get the study organized, as there is work, budgets, money as in cash, all over the place.
I want to make 2017 a year that is defining in Corey Britton's life. I can't do it alone, so with Stephanie, and Michelle from Rainbow Nation, and school and the various departments I have to work with, and most importantly my effort to these goals, I hope to really see some Bang! of achievement at the end of 2017.
Corey
BORN THIS WAY-2017
Monday, January 16, 2017
Corey Britton- What People Say and Feel About Me!
I mentioned last night that after talking with Stephanie she made me think I could really do all that I planned to do, along with other people in my life these last couple of weeks.
It is what made me post the forget skinny I want to be badass.
I know and have always known being intersexed, I was different and beyond that I was unique and didn't really have any peers to call peeps. I don't subscribe to labels, and when you live your life like that, you are different, and you have no boundaries, or borders set up around your person.
In my early twenties I was a hard ass trader on Wall Street and a big time player after work. I basically sold my self to the devil, and I don't think anyone would have said I was a good friend. I wasn't a bad person, I didn't hurt anyone, but I was very aloof, and walked a path all to myself.
After my divorce I was rocked to my core. I was so in love with my stellar wife, and again I didn't do anything wrong, I just didn't know how to be a partner. I dated a lot of crap, maybe one nice playboy centerfold, but the rest were trash, and used my fragile soul and self-esteem that was in the toilet to get me to buy them all things material. It was the lowest part of my life, yet I stayed with therapy to learn all I could and I did come out a much different and much better person.
I dated and started making this circle of friends, that are my friends today. It is how I met Stephanie as a friend and never would I have thought this girl would like me.
I dated randomly, didn't work because I don't need to, and basically just got up and had a play day everyday without much ambition or direction. I decided a couple of years ago to work on my Ph.D. and I have done that where I only have a couple of semesters left.
Friends told me about Stephanie but she was my best friend and I could ever risk losing her. I continued to date until I dated the junkie. When I met the junkie I was traversing some unchartered territory for myself, and my being a good, and real friend, and finding kindness as my new religion were all right in front of me, and I wanted to be a good person all the way around, and be the best parent and ex-spouse I could be. There was a lot of growing inside of me as I inched closer to my 40th birthday.
I even wanted to help the junkie out with whom I had no romantic feelings or desires. I guess I really changed and evolved during that time. I was on a mission with school, then blogging, and so many other things that I wanted to do.
The junkie was dropped and left to figure her mad mess out, and I started getting these compliments from friends and associates. They were about how different I was, there was no one else like me, I lived a life most people can't and don't. People started telling me how unique and special I was honestly. I couldn't believe they were talking about me.
Stephanie is a huge part of any good that resides in me. So is my daughter Bella. I just had a really close friend tell me I can do and be anything and they don't know anyone else like that. Another friend honestly told me I was perfect for President, and I said ummm no, not with this past of mine.
I am finally finding what I lost so long ago, and stopped trying to become anything or dig deep like I do everyday to try to reach and supersede my potential.
I will share more of complicated Corey Britton, but know this year is about accomplishments, and my two girls, Bella and Stephanie.
Corey
BORN THIS WAY-2017
It is what made me post the forget skinny I want to be badass.
I know and have always known being intersexed, I was different and beyond that I was unique and didn't really have any peers to call peeps. I don't subscribe to labels, and when you live your life like that, you are different, and you have no boundaries, or borders set up around your person.
In my early twenties I was a hard ass trader on Wall Street and a big time player after work. I basically sold my self to the devil, and I don't think anyone would have said I was a good friend. I wasn't a bad person, I didn't hurt anyone, but I was very aloof, and walked a path all to myself.
After my divorce I was rocked to my core. I was so in love with my stellar wife, and again I didn't do anything wrong, I just didn't know how to be a partner. I dated a lot of crap, maybe one nice playboy centerfold, but the rest were trash, and used my fragile soul and self-esteem that was in the toilet to get me to buy them all things material. It was the lowest part of my life, yet I stayed with therapy to learn all I could and I did come out a much different and much better person.
I dated and started making this circle of friends, that are my friends today. It is how I met Stephanie as a friend and never would I have thought this girl would like me.
I dated randomly, didn't work because I don't need to, and basically just got up and had a play day everyday without much ambition or direction. I decided a couple of years ago to work on my Ph.D. and I have done that where I only have a couple of semesters left.
Friends told me about Stephanie but she was my best friend and I could ever risk losing her. I continued to date until I dated the junkie. When I met the junkie I was traversing some unchartered territory for myself, and my being a good, and real friend, and finding kindness as my new religion were all right in front of me, and I wanted to be a good person all the way around, and be the best parent and ex-spouse I could be. There was a lot of growing inside of me as I inched closer to my 40th birthday.
I even wanted to help the junkie out with whom I had no romantic feelings or desires. I guess I really changed and evolved during that time. I was on a mission with school, then blogging, and so many other things that I wanted to do.
The junkie was dropped and left to figure her mad mess out, and I started getting these compliments from friends and associates. They were about how different I was, there was no one else like me, I lived a life most people can't and don't. People started telling me how unique and special I was honestly. I couldn't believe they were talking about me.
Stephanie is a huge part of any good that resides in me. So is my daughter Bella. I just had a really close friend tell me I can do and be anything and they don't know anyone else like that. Another friend honestly told me I was perfect for President, and I said ummm no, not with this past of mine.
I am finally finding what I lost so long ago, and stopped trying to become anything or dig deep like I do everyday to try to reach and supersede my potential.
I will share more of complicated Corey Britton, but know this year is about accomplishments, and my two girls, Bella and Stephanie.
Corey
BORN THIS WAY-2017
Corey Britton Pains and Gains
I got up at 6:20 am for my hand surgeon appointment. Stephanie couldn't take me there so she felt bad, and I felt scared. I got to my appointment at 10:15am and had my dressing cut off my hand. I will include pictures when I am done writing. My biggest worry was that pins weren't in place, but an x-ray confirmed the bones are not healed but everything is in place. My next worry was the surgeon was going to tell me I could crutch and I would have massive surgery on my foot immediately. Nope, he doesn't want any weight-bearing for at least 4 weeks while I heal and then he will take another x-ray and see how it is healing. I was so relieved and I picked out a jet black cast. Pretty slick!
I am relieved that my body which is battling anorexia is going to have time between operations to heal. Last night the worst thing happened to me on Facebook. I posted a meme about no more skinny, time for muscles and badass. This guy attacks me and said Corey lets open a restaurant for anorexics, what should we call it? Then before I can respond he says waaa I don't want to eat. He continued and I told him how small his dick was and he blocked me. I felt so diminished as I almost died and friends of mine haven't made it. I was so taken back I posted the interaction and outed his name. This boi/girl went to bed in tears last night.
I have received today so many beautiful personal comments and compliments but I realized I have a 5000 member friends list and I am cutting it back to no more than a thousand. If people expect me to like their stuff but can't like mine except once in awhile than they won't even notice. If it wasn't for my Rainbow Nation For Equality, I would just start a new Facebook profile and be done with the crap. I don't like conflict and I loathe haters like that man last night.
I just got a surprise like 20 minutes ago. Stephanie came home early! She said her office was worried about me, and told her to take the afternoon off, after they had a meeting with her, and made her a partner! I am so happy for her! She has worked so hard and she really deserves this.
I can't go to DC as my weight is too low, and my hand is in a full arm cast, and I am just starting to heal. I will do as much as I can from home and have my Resistor stickers and I am ready to be a resistor on Thursday!
I need to concentrate and be smart about all I have going on and I have a lot to do with my anorexia and with school, as well as Rainbow Nation.
I can not believe they let Stephanie come home. We shared the biggest U-Me kiss; at least for 45 seconds, and it wasn't meant to be sexy.
Stephanie has a special project she is working on for the practice and I am so happy that while I blog she will be at the coffee table in my study. Champagne definitely tonight!
I am relaxing a bit a hoping for a nice afternoon and a post on Tweakedboi that is half written.
Please don't ever under-estimate the ills of anorexia as it has the highest mortality rate of any psychiatric illness. I was very close to being a statistic my self. I am far from being healthy.
I will attach pictures of my thumb and my new cast. Going to enjoy a moment or two with my Stephanie now a Partner!
Corey
BORN THIS WAY-2017
I am relieved that my body which is battling anorexia is going to have time between operations to heal. Last night the worst thing happened to me on Facebook. I posted a meme about no more skinny, time for muscles and badass. This guy attacks me and said Corey lets open a restaurant for anorexics, what should we call it? Then before I can respond he says waaa I don't want to eat. He continued and I told him how small his dick was and he blocked me. I felt so diminished as I almost died and friends of mine haven't made it. I was so taken back I posted the interaction and outed his name. This boi/girl went to bed in tears last night.
I can't go to DC as my weight is too low, and my hand is in a full arm cast, and I am just starting to heal. I will do as much as I can from home and have my Resistor stickers and I am ready to be a resistor on Thursday!
I need to concentrate and be smart about all I have going on and I have a lot to do with my anorexia and with school, as well as Rainbow Nation.
I can not believe they let Stephanie come home. We shared the biggest U-Me kiss; at least for 45 seconds, and it wasn't meant to be sexy.
Stephanie has a special project she is working on for the practice and I am so happy that while I blog she will be at the coffee table in my study. Champagne definitely tonight!
I am relaxing a bit a hoping for a nice afternoon and a post on Tweakedboi that is half written.
I will attach pictures of my thumb and my new cast. Going to enjoy a moment or two with my Stephanie now a Partner!
Corey
BORN THIS WAY-2017
Thursday, January 5, 2017
Surgery Day For Corey Britton
I had my thumb fused this morning and expandable pins inserted. The operation was a lot more than the surgeon anticipated, and I am home now and already in pain.
I was able to get Stephanie to take me to the hospital for 6 am, as surgery was first case at 7 am. I had even found a cab to take me, which I wasn't psyched about but Stephanie insisted on taking me even though it would make her late getting to the office.
I was very grateful, and got there right on time. They took me right away, and processed me, and got me hooked up with a nurse who oversaw me getting ready for surgery. As soon as I had my hospital clothes on, the anesthesiologist appeared, as I am a special case because I have this rare condition that is fatal if I am around even gases from a previous surgery in that operating room. I have to be the first patient in a room that is clean, and no general anesthetics can be used. For today's surgery they were doing a nerve block, that would paralyze my entire arm from shoulder to finger tips. It is not the most comfortable anesthesia, as they go in through your armpit and with huge needles fine the major nerves and block them. My anesthesiologist came by to see me and reassure me that this wouldn't hurt today like in days passed. She could tell I was nervous and said, "We will give you anti-anxiety medication before we do the block.
They took me 10 minutes later and gave me something good in my IV. Quickly my anxiety just vanished, and then they began working on the block. They said because I was so skinny I was really easy to do, and the block didn't hurt one bit even though there were 6 inch needles being put all over into my arm pit. My arm just suddenly went dead.
They gave me the drug propanol which is the drug that killed Michael Jacksom and that my friends is a beautiful experience and ride that you don't even remember time passing by. My surgery was supposed to take 1.5 hours and it took over three hours. My surgeon came to recovery to show me all the pictures with the pins and to tell me I would probably be uncomfortable and he was writing a script for pain pills even though my primary care writes me monthly scripts now and he knows that.
I was surprised with the new script but I couldn't read what they were for....I got back to my room and I wasn't even there 40 minutes and my ex wife shows up to take me home. I was really confused as I was no where near being ready to leave. She said the nurse left a message telling her I would be ready in an hour over an hour ago. My ex wife had to go run a business call so she said, "'I will be back for you after 12 pm" That seemed more reasonable.
The nurses were nice, and brought my script down to pharmacy to be filled so all I had to do was pick it up on our way out. I played with my phone, and the nurse had to really help me get dressed.
My ex wife arrived after 12 pm, they made her hear all the post op report and the instructions and we then headed out to get my script and the car. The pharmacist at the hospital said the doctor wanted me to take these pain pills instead of my other ones, and I was shocked for 15mg Vicodin at 60 pills I only paid 4 dollars.
My ex wife is high maintenance and does this all the time and rightly so, but she said the last two times she has picked me up, the hospital is not ready and she thinks it is not okay for her as the caregiver or for me the patient, so she was going to call the hospital today and let them know as she said, "We are the customer." I just laughed to myself and was happy to be heading home with 60 extra pain pills!
I got home around 1:30 pm and couldn't get my jacket off, or open a pill bottle. It was very good that my ex wife was there to get me settled. She made me lunch and handed me my pills as the pain was just searing and all I could see were the pictures with all the expandable pins.
I have talked to Stephanie and she is getting out at 3 pm, so she is on her way home now. She is off tomorrow and we have the weekend and next Monday, as she took a personal day. I am very happy to see her, and very grateful to my ex wife for what she did, and of course so grateful for all Stephanie does.
I had to take a second dose of pain pills as the pain was that bad, and now I am in pain but it is bearable.
I wanted to write that Corey Britton will be doing a lot of blogging, and hopefully going to Bella's swim meet on Saturday and Sunday.
I am okay, and think my foot surgery will happen in the next 8 weeks, even though my hand will not be healed, I can crutch.
I wrote to my school today and asked to meet with my advisor. I think I can only take one course this term and it should be in the most advanced math class. I thought about it today, and with my foot next, I think starting back for summer semester makes the most sense.
My arm is less dead, and I can feel a lot of pain and my other fingers are starting to come back to life. Something like Corey Britton is doing too.
This is a big year for Corey Britton and I can't share everything I am doing but there will be a lot of surprises, I promise you.
I am thinking I need more pain medication, and I will wait until Stephanie is home to take it. She will take control of my pain pills and make sure I get ahead of this pain. It is just gnawing at me right mow.
Laters my fellow readers and peeps!
Corey
BORN THIS WAY-2017
I was able to get Stephanie to take me to the hospital for 6 am, as surgery was first case at 7 am. I had even found a cab to take me, which I wasn't psyched about but Stephanie insisted on taking me even though it would make her late getting to the office.
I was very grateful, and got there right on time. They took me right away, and processed me, and got me hooked up with a nurse who oversaw me getting ready for surgery. As soon as I had my hospital clothes on, the anesthesiologist appeared, as I am a special case because I have this rare condition that is fatal if I am around even gases from a previous surgery in that operating room. I have to be the first patient in a room that is clean, and no general anesthetics can be used. For today's surgery they were doing a nerve block, that would paralyze my entire arm from shoulder to finger tips. It is not the most comfortable anesthesia, as they go in through your armpit and with huge needles fine the major nerves and block them. My anesthesiologist came by to see me and reassure me that this wouldn't hurt today like in days passed. She could tell I was nervous and said, "We will give you anti-anxiety medication before we do the block.
They took me 10 minutes later and gave me something good in my IV. Quickly my anxiety just vanished, and then they began working on the block. They said because I was so skinny I was really easy to do, and the block didn't hurt one bit even though there were 6 inch needles being put all over into my arm pit. My arm just suddenly went dead.
They gave me the drug propanol which is the drug that killed Michael Jacksom and that my friends is a beautiful experience and ride that you don't even remember time passing by. My surgery was supposed to take 1.5 hours and it took over three hours. My surgeon came to recovery to show me all the pictures with the pins and to tell me I would probably be uncomfortable and he was writing a script for pain pills even though my primary care writes me monthly scripts now and he knows that.
I was surprised with the new script but I couldn't read what they were for....I got back to my room and I wasn't even there 40 minutes and my ex wife shows up to take me home. I was really confused as I was no where near being ready to leave. She said the nurse left a message telling her I would be ready in an hour over an hour ago. My ex wife had to go run a business call so she said, "'I will be back for you after 12 pm" That seemed more reasonable.
The nurses were nice, and brought my script down to pharmacy to be filled so all I had to do was pick it up on our way out. I played with my phone, and the nurse had to really help me get dressed.
My ex wife arrived after 12 pm, they made her hear all the post op report and the instructions and we then headed out to get my script and the car. The pharmacist at the hospital said the doctor wanted me to take these pain pills instead of my other ones, and I was shocked for 15mg Vicodin at 60 pills I only paid 4 dollars.
My ex wife is high maintenance and does this all the time and rightly so, but she said the last two times she has picked me up, the hospital is not ready and she thinks it is not okay for her as the caregiver or for me the patient, so she was going to call the hospital today and let them know as she said, "We are the customer." I just laughed to myself and was happy to be heading home with 60 extra pain pills!
I got home around 1:30 pm and couldn't get my jacket off, or open a pill bottle. It was very good that my ex wife was there to get me settled. She made me lunch and handed me my pills as the pain was just searing and all I could see were the pictures with all the expandable pins.
I have talked to Stephanie and she is getting out at 3 pm, so she is on her way home now. She is off tomorrow and we have the weekend and next Monday, as she took a personal day. I am very happy to see her, and very grateful to my ex wife for what she did, and of course so grateful for all Stephanie does.
I had to take a second dose of pain pills as the pain was that bad, and now I am in pain but it is bearable.
I wanted to write that Corey Britton will be doing a lot of blogging, and hopefully going to Bella's swim meet on Saturday and Sunday.
I am okay, and think my foot surgery will happen in the next 8 weeks, even though my hand will not be healed, I can crutch.
I wrote to my school today and asked to meet with my advisor. I think I can only take one course this term and it should be in the most advanced math class. I thought about it today, and with my foot next, I think starting back for summer semester makes the most sense.
My arm is less dead, and I can feel a lot of pain and my other fingers are starting to come back to life. Something like Corey Britton is doing too.
This is a big year for Corey Britton and I can't share everything I am doing but there will be a lot of surprises, I promise you.
I am thinking I need more pain medication, and I will wait until Stephanie is home to take it. She will take control of my pain pills and make sure I get ahead of this pain. It is just gnawing at me right mow.
Laters my fellow readers and peeps!
Corey
BORN THIS WAY-2017
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