I am supposed to board an all night train to DC tonight to march in the million women march tomorrow and my stomach is freaking out. Two incidents of not pleasant seeing my food twice and I am hot and then cold. If I don't get on this train, I miss this march I have planned on going on with Stephanie. It means a lot to me and I feel like my body is getting a bit sicker and sicker.
I can't lay down as that makes me antsy and more nauseous. I am home by myself and could call and cancel the tickets in the next hour. I know Stephanie is not going to want to go with this news. I have pins in my thumb and anorexia to boot. I think I will go lay down with my Kindle Fire and shut off this one light I have on. Tonight I know I am not supposed to mention it but at 8 pm it is supposed to be lights out on Trump. I think I will head to bed and wait for Stephanie to get home. She should be home any minute she called me from the parking lot like 15 minutes ago.
Tried laying down, and I feel way worse when I do that. Stephanie just got home and said no go to DC. She said between your arm, anorexia, and this bug or whatever is going on we can not go. I am so bummed and feel like once again my body is ruining everything. She is on the phone with Amtrak trying to see what she can do to get a refund. The tickets were super expensive because we got them so late, and now we might not get the money back.
I just feel ill honestly, and no matter what I do, I can't get rid of this yuck in my gut. I am so close to crying I am so frustrated, but that is not what I am going to do.
I went to thee 24 hour store and got a latte and I am also eating cold left-over oatmeal with milk. I think I might be feeling a tich better, but Stephanie got the refund and we are not going to the march...really sucks. The girl at the store said everyone has been sick but I can't get sick. I lose more weight and I get antsy not able to do things and it just isn't feasible. Going from cold to hot again, Maybe at 8 pm when all the lights except on our IPads and Kindles go off for the Trump hour, the food will coat my stomach and I will be able to go to bed. Right now sleep is an impossibility.
Stephanie found out today with becoming a partner she gets two additional weeks of vacation, and that isn't the best part, if they hit their numbers, she will get a 45% bonus in January! I mean this is really the big leagues!
I am like go Stephanie, go!
She is worried about me, and I don't do well with that, as I always feel like the patient. I tried so hard today to get on a new track and get to the gym, where my bad knee that hasn't been operated on is starting to hurt when I climb stairs. Maybe the treadmill will be better?
Tomorrow I will try that out for a longer interval and see how it goes. I also didn't have my patellar stabilizer on, so perhaps that over sight on my part cost me a bit of a set back. What I wouldn't give to be able to go to the gym and just really have a full body workout.
I know it will come, but it is awhile away. I have a year recovery total for my foot, and then there is the operation on my leg to re-align it. I can't give it much thought or it does deflate me, but 8pm is almost here so I will be back at 9pm. Blackness in the house sets in. I know it is silly.....
I am going to see if I can find something to eat that doesn't upset my gut. The oatmeal and some Tums really helped! I don't feel like I am going to be able to sleep tonight but I will worry about that later. I am bringing my IPad along with Stephanie and we are going under the covers to keep the house dark. I am going on Facebook, because I haven't learnt how to blog from it yet. I am so technologically adept and this simple blogger has me tossed over the fence for a curve ball. I found out there is a way to do the million women's march virtually by going to this email address and posting a picture of yourself and writing your story. I am going to tell so many people to do that that couldn't go to DC.
I am having to come to terms with a really broke down body. Between the anorexia and the fall in August with all the injuries I am in this for a long haul. I need to be able to wrap my mind around it better. With my Pure Mania and ADHD I am in need of lots of motion to keep me on an even keel. I am not sedentary by any means and I will have to really work out my upper body when my foot gets operated on.
One of the reasons that Stephanie and I can't find properties is that the coast of Maine, is out for us. They have income tax and sales tax and it would cost us a chunk of change to live in Maine, no matter how beautiful it is. I sort of wish we could find a parcel of land and build all new from the ground up. I think it is harder to find rehabs, and lots of people want to buy them and flip them. I guess I can't be opposed to living in an already built house, but it won't have exactly what I want.
At some point in the spring if we aren't finding rehabs and parcels of land, we will need to re-evaluate our plan. Do we stay here another two years and really save money, or do we just take the best house already built that we find on the market? I am really not jazzed about that option.
Stephanie is fine as long as it is ocean front and I am happy. Well I am not that happy now, and maybe January is a bad month for looking. I mean I guess most people wait until Spring to list their houses.
Oh my gosh, my back is seizing up from riding that damn bike like a maniac today. Sometimes I truly am my own enemy. I hadn't done anything cardio in 6 months, and I get on a spin bike and ride to beat the bus to school? It is only after 9 pm and I can imagine how I am going to feel in the morning.
I need to get my head out of my ass, and face the facts here. I am injured really badly, and I am not going to be able to do things like I did anytime soon. I can cry about it, or I can think of alternatives. Maybe the treadmill will work out for me.
I barely slept last night, and even after eating feel nauseas, however my knee is not right but my back is all better. I am going to try to get to the gym this afternoon, although I know Stephanie will try to dissuade me from going. If she could come up with an alternative that was interesting I would be all for it.
Maybe today is the day we take a ride around the coast of New Hampshire and look for properties. The Realtors are not panning out for us. I am now more inclined to build from the ground up on a parcel of land, than rehab or buy a house outright. Stephanie thinks I need to be more open-minded about buying an already built house. I just know it won't have everything specifically I want, and seeing how this is our dream house I think I should get exactly what I want. I have toyed with the idea of buying a parcel of land this year, and staying here another year and a half so we save more money, as building from the ground up is going to be the most expensive way for us to go. Stephanie is fine here, it is me that is ready to move. However, perhaps if we bought land this year, and waited a year to get the builders we want, we could stay settled and save a boat load of money. I would even propose saving more money than we are saving now. I think Stephanie would be into it, as we need to get married, and that is going to cost me a pretty penny for the honeymoon. Stephanie's parents have generously offered to pay for the wedding and reception, and realize our tastes aren't cheap. Stephanie has decided to go with an intimate wedding and then later throw a big party for all of our friends and people who should get invited. I think she thought she could keep the wedding down to like 60 people as I gave her my list, and it isn't very long, I am just as glad to keep it small as some people were at my first wedding and I feel rather sheepish about inviting them to my second wedding. We are going to have the reception in a ballroom at the Wentworth by the Sea where we went for our first night together and where we got engaged. We think we might do matching wedding bands, but I don't know how realistic it is with her bling. I think she is going to need a bigger and blingish like ring to match her engagement ring, I told her I was fine using my engagement ring that she gave me-l love it but she said no, I needed diamonds. The problem is my first wedding ring was a platinum band of solid diamonds, and I would want something similar, nothing too girlie.
I think when Stephanie wakes up I will tell her my idea about buying a parcel of land this year or actually spring, and sitting on it for a year. We can pay cash for it, and go to all kinds of home shows and find the architects we want, although I would like to use the ones I used for one of my rehabs on Cape Cod. That way we can work with the builders and architects and come up with our dream house to specification, and have a solid budget that won't be a complete surprise to us. I think that really makes the most sense, and before all that we come up with a figure that we are topping or capping our housing budget at. I mean, we can't build blindly, and if we work with the builders and architects we will know exactly what we will be getting for a house. I am sure that is how most people do it, but we are going to be doing a lot of customizing.
I am excited really, and think I will start searching on just parcels of land, and looking at fine builders that do the type of work we are looking for and want. I am going to work on a budget to see how much additional cash we can save, and figure out how much roughly we are looking at spending. I am sure it will take a year to get the builders we want, as we want stone work, and a lot of outside work done with landscapers. I won't be able to come up with a finite budget, but we will see roughly where we are at. We could even rent a storage unit and buy say the appliances or the windows or at least the few custom windows I want. I don't think, well I know Stephanie is not as picky about this stuff as I am. I think she will be more into the color palette and the window dresses and probably the appliances too.
So I think a good ride around the area would be good today, and there is always seeing Bella. I think I am taking her to get her eyebrows waxed today. Kids start so young with these things nowadays.
I am going to start working on our savings budget and pay some bills to get ahead. I think we have plenty to look forward to, and as long as I can keep my injuries in perspective, and work the surgeries around our wedding we will be fine. I started out in the dumps, and wrote myself to higher ground.
Corey
BORN THIS WAY-2017
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