Speedsplatt

My body and mind are travelling to places I do not know. I speed through time with many new sensations which affect  me both on a cerebral and anatomic plane. U-Me is adjusting as I experience trials and tribulations.

Today is the day after a rough episode which affected not only me but Stephanie as well. I know I am unstable with the homeostasis of my ever-changing body. Recovery in its second month is more dynamic than ever. We are trying really hard to establish a new normal. However, the landscape is always morphing into destinations we have yet to visit.

Recovery remains an unpredictable amoeba without constant shape or form. I experience new highs for a day or two and then slip into reverse for the next few days.

I an cautious with each new tribulation as it is always followed with a trial of new lows. Serenity and peace truly elude me. I seek what other people have and live silently in their shadows. I am less sure of myself than ever. I am not worried about a drug relapse as I only can get them through a doctor. My dealer comes in a sterile white coat. Turning to the streets is not my MO. The sanctity of absence is my one form of calm. I know not what it feels like to not yearn or desire that which I can not seek.

My life with Stephanie is in line for a lot of my change. I want to believe  I am alone in the fate of U-Me but Stephanie will not allow me to shoulder this false truth. U-Me is even more enduring than myself. Stephanie remains the light in my dim hour of reckoning.  I stand in awe at the brilliance of her love and compassion. The candle of our love burns ever so brightly because of her resilient flame.

In the gray of this day I seek shelter from the unforgiving sun. I sit in our house with a pallor that only a person in new-found recovery knows. We went to the grocery store this morning before Stephanie went to work. I am determined to participate in the future forward makings of U-Me.

I am at a noontime recovery meeting. It is my second of the day. I will attend a 2:00 pm meeting at the Sisters of Sobriety Center. It just opened and is located right near our house. U-Me will be getting involved with this recovery group. I will be talking to the staff regarding volunteering at SOS.

My plan is to lengthen my day so that U-ME might have a longer day. Making dinner is my plan followed by an evening of Netflix.  Nothing crazy at all but it is a start.   I seek progress before perfection.

I am hopeful that anxiety hasn't seeped into my soul. A night free of panic would be as gift to U-Me.

Corey

BORN THIS WAY-2017