Thursday Musings In Recovery

This early morning I am happier than I have been as of late.  My recovery is going much better with each passing day. My anxiety has ebbed and my moods of panic have dissipated.

I am at the club where I attend support meetings seven days a week. On Monday through Friday I attend a morning meeting at 7:30 am.

As part of my service to the group, I as the newest member, set up every morning at 6:00 am. I also make the coffee for everyone. I have nothing else to offer at this point so that is my service. I will do the set up, coffee and help with putting away until a newer comer shows up eager to take my position.

I haven't talked much about this weekday meeting which is my  home group. It is a great group of individuals whom range in age from 25-60 of men and women with diverse educational backgrounds and professions. Most of the group is in long-term recovery.

I am heading back to school in May as the only current student in the group. One of my biggest challenges is to figure out a way to attend this morning meeting and return to school.

I would have laughed in your face if you ever told me that support groups would make a difference and be a part of my life seven days a week.

The power of the shared experience of recovery is extremely powerful and dynamic. It is intensified by the number of people in the group who show up every day to participate.

It is a meeting where we read a daily reflection then we go around the room and we each share either something relevant to the reading or what is good about our recovery today. I was never a "group" person in any way but this experience has changed everything.

I am watching cable news and the big story is the canning of Bill O'Reilly. Very surprised that the liberals got their way. Shows what advertisers and letter writing can do to a television personality.

I have been slow to write as my thoughts are still choppy and my flow of words not yet even.   I have been promised that after only a month out of the hospital I can look forward to greater gains on the cerebral front. I look forward to it in my speech, my thoughts and most of all my writing.

I have experienced huge gains weekly in my recovery. When I got out of the hospital on March 18th I still hadn't reached my bottom of withdrawals. My recollection of that time is hauntingly dark and paralyzing both emotionally and physically.

I went through some dark times of stark paranoia and bone-chilling psychosis. I am proof that a psychotic person can somewhat pass in daily life. I thought for sure I was loosing my house and being put in an institution.

That did not happen but the state of my life and affairs was definitely in question. Just writing about it make me claustrophobic and white-knuckled scared.

I AM NOT that parent, friend, lover, or sibling anymore.

Corey

BORN THIS WAY-2017