My fiancé, Stephanie, is truly a once in a lifetime person. This past weekend I had to attend an English tea with my daughter and ex-wife. Between that and my morning support meeting I was gone most of the day. When I got home on Saturday I was immediately stricken with anxiety and panic. It was a long Saturday night for both of us.
I woke up around 3am on Sunday. I was riddled with guilt and remorse for my needs which took up all of U-Me on Saturday. Stephanie was so gracious and did nothing but be supportive and understanding. I was once told by a therapist that in a relationship each person needs to be both the gardner and the flower.With Stephanie, she has always been the gardner with me.
My ongoing battles with anorexia started when we were just friends. She was the only one who I let come visit me when I was in the eating disorders hospital and had a feeding tube. We have basically been inseparable since then expect for my blatant dating which culminated with my worst experience ever. I dated a person who is an active junkie and I did not know it. She began her death spiral when I was dating her and did some unspeakable things. Stephanie as my friend intervened and at that time she made her romantic feelings known for me.
I never thought she could like me and I was caught way off guard with her love for me. Since we crossed the line from platonic to romantic she has shown me unbridled love and affection. However, the most amazing part is she still is my best friend. Through the changes in us she has given me the greatest gift of unconditional love.
U-Me began last June and we have only grown closer and more fond of one another. Our chemistry is off the charts and we both believe there is not another person for either one of us.
Stephanie has supported me through my anorexia as well as pharmaceutical detox. None of it has been easy on either one of us. Her unconditional love is like none other. She shows me everyday how important I and U-Me are to her. My challenge right now is to give her the same unrequited love she bestows on me. With just three weeks before I possibly return to school my object is to focus on her and our relationship. U-Me is finding our new normal as I continue to battle anorexia and slowly recover from detox.
It is remarkable that after all U-Me has gone through, Stephanie is standing brave in my trenches. I needn't not ever worry of her steadfast devotion. It is my time to do for her and be her gardener. I look forward to the change and hopefully new reciprocity for U-Me.
Today I Wwill start by having an early breakfast with Stephanie before I had to the support club at 6 am to set up and make the coffee for my 7:30 am recovery support group meeting. Today is about U-Me and I will head out later in the morning to pick up groceries for dinner to night. One if the most special attributes of U-Me is how we find the sacred in the ordinary daily. Dinners which are a hard time for me are always special and made with love. This is the first week I will be cooking for Stephnaie. I haven't told her yet and hopefully will surprise tonight. My contributes to the cooking and the household have been scant at best until yesterday. I will take each day as it comes and know anything I do will be appreciated for sure. It is one of Stephanie's brightest traits, and one I don't want to take for granted.
Overcoming anorexia is what she wants from me most so I am scheduling an appointment with my ED therapist today. Self-care is the one thing I need to do for both myself and U-Me. Getting well in recovery is something I will always be working on and sharing with Stephanie. We attended a Recovery Rocks event yesterday and both of us loved the supporting SOS organization. I plan to go to the SOS center today so that I can inquire about various programs and offer to volunteer. It is something U-Me wants to get involved with in the near future.
Looking forward to breakfast with my fancyface........
Corey
BORN THIS WAY-2017
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